


The Lost Detective

by TwilightMaster15



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Corruption, M/M, Platonic Romance, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Returning Home, Trapped, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22396522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightMaster15/pseuds/TwilightMaster15
Summary: When L died, he didn't quite die, he was sent to the Shinigami Realm between life and death, where he wanders the endless hours looking for a way to escape, slowly losing his memories and hallucinating. His only hope of remaining sane and escaping lays in his former successor and friend, Beyond Birthday, whose rare gift of being born with Shinigami Eyes landed him there too.Four years after Light's death, Ryuk returns to Earth, because he's bored and decides to tell the task force about L being alive and able to return to Earth. Will they be able to save L, or will he be too far gone by the time he is found?
Relationships: Beyond Birthday/L
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

How long had he been trapped within the cruel confines of this world? How long had his feet patted against the ground in hopeless mind-boggling circles while he struggled to make sense of the directions he was taking? How long had it been since he had seen that cruel fiendish smile from the man he had considered his best friend? Time was something he was barely even able to make sense of anymore, and he soon began to wonder just how much time had elapsed on Earth... how much had passed in the time, he was trapped in this soul-crushing world of broken dreams and lost hopes.

L had been fighting for so long. Fighting, just fighting wave after wave of relentless Shinigami wanting amusement out of him or the constant feeling of being watched. He had run and run, before realizing that everything was dead. Maybe this place looked like Earth once, but it certainly didn't anymore.

He didn't know why he had woken up here, but he remembered the day he had like it was yesterday. Death was supposed to be nothingness, not this. And yet... he had a heartbeat. He had tried to get answered when he had awoken surrounded by curious Shinigami, but then got groped by a Shinigami and realized they wanted him for _that_ kind of amusement, among other things. So he had run, and later realized he had been given a Death Note of his own, attached to a belt at his hip. Then he learned he could turn it into a scythe whenever he wanted—perfect for fighting off the lower level Shinigami, who wanted him to "play" with them. Honestly, L didn't care if they actually did want to play a game, he wasn't interested. 

But it wasn't the Shinigami that caused his still heart to grow faint; there was so much more to it. L was slowly beginning to realize the Shinigami Realm was in great possession of startling power. He was slowly losing his memories more and more, the longer he spent wandering around within this dark maze. He remembered the task force. He remembered the Kira case, he remembered Watari, and most importantly, he remembered Light and that smirk which was branded into his mind for all eternity. It was small things he forgot, like the shade of Matt's hair—was it brown or red—or just how young Near would forever appear, or Mello's nose. Not a big deal, but he knew that eventually, he would lose himself forever.

"Just where exactly am I?" He mumbled to himself as his eyes scoured around, seeing the same barrenness he had seen for what felt like an eternity. But he had been making small indents in the soil wherever he went since he had often found himself walking around in circles. But this place was new. Assuming this was like a warped and twisted parallel to Earth, he was surprised he hadn't found any new locations before this.

His eyes cast to the ground as his own thoughts began to win the battle against his attempt at positive feelings, his mouth down-turned while he sighed.

 _"Do you really think you can beat the darkness?"_ It was...a very familiar voice.

L stiffened in place, his eyes looking about frantically trying to pinpoint the source of the voice. It was a voice he had heard many times since coming into this world, and although the tone was a bit calm and soft-spoken, there was undeniable wickedness that was hidden within it.

The voice...was his.

"Where are you?" L called out, fist tightening.

 _"Does it really matter?"_ The dark voice responded. _"You're really looking pathetic right about now. Although it's a bit humorous, all those people you could have saved if you didn't let yourself befriend Light Yagami."_

L knew he shouldn't give the darkness the satisfaction of making him crack. So despite the feeling of tightness taking place in his stomach, he knit his eyebrows together and mentally sighed.

"I realize I could have saved many people," he admitted. "But I can't let regrets stop me from pressing on...Because if I can escape, I can defeat Kira and save Earth."

Laughter echoed from every direction around him, causing him to look around to try and see where his 'dark self' was lingering. But again, such as many times as before, he still saw nothing.

_"You've been traveling this long...And yet you still insist on forcing yourself to continue. That fleeting bit of hope you cling to? It's pointless. You'll never escape.."_

And then the voice was gone.

For a moment, L was as still as a statue; controlled breaths pressing through his lips as he tried to calm his troubled mind.

Steeling herself and settling his nerves, he continued on the dirt-road path he was traveling on, taking only one last glance behind him at what he assumed had once meadow that had now lost its beauty, and its vivid color as death had consumed it.

As he continued through the sprawling wasteland that allowed very little sunlight to penetrate its lonely clutches, L kept walking.

With all the walking he had been doing, he was surprised he never felt hungry, or tired, or thirsty. He could keep walking for eternity, and there was no strain except for his bare feet against the rocks and damaged soil. It was puzzling, especially with a heart that would start and stop at random intervals.

He heard laughter somewhere within the distance and decided to pick up the pace before he found out where it was coming from.

"Ryuzaki..." L gasped and spun around, and saw Light standing there somberly. While part of L had yearned to see a familiar face, of course, the face of his nemesis was the one he saw. Light looked deceptively innocent right now, as though he wasn't capable of the smirk that had distorted his features in L's final moments on Earth.

"What are you doing here, Kira? Have you come to gloat about how I'm trapped here, and you get to continue killing?" He seethed but didn't reach for the Death Note. He had never used the scythe in anything more than an intimidation tactic before, but Light didn't seem to be armed.

He also said nothing, he didn't gloat about how he had won, his expression was lacking all emotion, which was honestly unnerving. This wasn't the first time he had hallucinated seeing Light, and he was disappointed in his deductive skills for not immediately knowing what this was. But what if it was Light this time? 

"Why won't you say anything to me?" He asked, and reached out to touch Light's hand, only for him to vanish in red sparkles. L sighed, "So that's what you were, an illusion telling me I should lose hope."

...

What L wasn't aware of was a certain wannabe God had shot awake in cold sweat back in the realm of the living.

Light splashed his face with water, then looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of a sleeping Misa. He sighed. This wasn't the first time he had had a nightmare about L, nor was it the first time he had dreamt of the Shinigami realm. But he wasn't able to speak or move when L was there, always looking so tired and furious, as though he had been suffering a fate worse than death.

All things aside, Light didn't _hate_ L, actually seeing the sugar-addict as something like a friend. It was because of this he hadn't asked Ryuk if there was any truth to his nightmares about L being trapped there.

But he worried it was true when he heard Ryuk's laughter just outside the bathroom.

OoOoO

L sighed as he heard more laughter from a Shinigami. At least they had the decency to alert him to their presence by cackling. L wondered how Shinigami came to be. Was it people who died and had used the Death Note in life? If so, was the "old man" he had heard many talking about being the one to make Death Notes? Did he make the Shinigami? L had so many questions, but he was a lamb surrounded by wolves, and therefore it wasn't safe to ask any of the inquiries he yearned to, especially if there was a way to leave this place. Whether leaving meant returning to Earth as a living person or moving on and ceasing to exist, he didn't care at this point.

L sighed, gazing up at the grey sky. And for a brief moment, he nearly remembered what it was like to see crisp blue skies, with sun rays in the distance, something he missed.

"Am I...really losing my memories?" His eyes stared at the lifeless sky.

He tried thinking about Watari, Near, Mello, Matt. But much to his grief, their faces were gone entirely. No facial features, just their hair, and their clothes. The same applied to most of the task force too, and Misa. But not Light.

Never Light, the one L wished would leave as soon as possible.

_Why is this happening?_

The longer he spent trapped, the more his memories were going to fade. He realized this, he realized how dire the situation was, and he knew he needed to find a way out of this horrid place before every single memory he had ever created was gone. Before he was reduced to a being like the Shinigami around him, who existed for no purpose and dropped their Death Notes to Earth for humans to find to amuse themselves.

L shook his head and rose up from the spot he was seated at. He continued, searching more for a way out.

He traveled far and wide, eventually coming to a path. There was also a thick silver mist in the distance.

"Why do I feel like something bad will happen?" L murmured.

Of course, how was he supposed to stop this nagging feeling? But still, he knew that he couldn't let it stop him. Maybe he would finally learn of a way out of here. He had been trying to find Rem as well, both to give her the finger for killing him obviously at Light's command, and to ask her if she knew the way out of here. After all, Shinigami came down to Earth, as proven by Rem, so there had to be a method.

For a moment, the faintest trace of panic began to set in, but it was plain as day that he couldn't go back to the starting point even if he wished to. So, rushing as fast as he could, L ran towards the mist.

He arrived at the other side and heard something.

"L," a familiar voice called out to him.

L was staring on straight ahead but saw no one. So he turned to his left, and yet, still, he saw no one. Finally, he shifted his weight and turned around fully and saw Mello walking towards him. But Mello was different, older, and there was a burn scar across his face.

"Where've you been?" He asked L.

"I've been here," L replied, looking at him in disbelief because, unlike the illusions of Light, Mello was _talking_. "Fighting a never-ending battle, trying to get out of here."

"Why have you let Kira run free?" Mello's voice now came across more hostile.

L's brows fell slightly in a weakened look. "Mello—"

"Matt and I have been waiting here...I've been here, allying with the Mafia all in a ditch attempt to defeat Kira, waiting, hoping that eventually, a glimmer of hope would find its way to me."

"I'm here, now, Miheal." He assured, desperately hoping this was really Mello, and they could go back together, "Let's go back together, I know who Kira is and have the evidence to convict him. Light Yagami is Kira." He reached out, only for Mello to vanish in yellow sparkles.

 _"There is no leaving..."_ A voice grew more ominous, and then L found himself face to face with himself.

"They hate you," his voice said to him. His dark, cold, unfeeling voice. "This entire time, you've been wandering here, and they've been struggling on Earth against Light."

"It's you..." L whispered. And it was. It was himself again, his 'shadows,' who had been taunting him, ridiculing him, and doing everything they possibly could to break him down so the dreariness of this place could overtake him.

"Remembered B? He really looked up to you," the dark L said, "You were a hero in his eyes, and one of the very few true friends he ever had. And look at what happened! He broke because A couldn't take the pressure you placed on him, even if it was just your job that caused that stress. Even if it was unintentional, everything that happened was all your fault. You tortured Misa for months. Maybe Light could have been your friend if you didn't treat him the way you did, maybe he could have changed for the better. You're such a terrible friend..."

L's steely nerves were starting to wane, and he took a step back.

Another evil L materialized before him, walking towards him with those soulless eyes staring into him.

"It's your fault Beyond Birthday broke down," he said to his good-half. "Back then, he needed someone more than ever. Someone who trusted him and had faith in him, and that clearly wasn't you, was it? You were the one who drove B to revenge and murder, not A's suicide or his eyes! And guess what? Mello and Near would rather compete for the title than share, their desire to be you driving them away from any meaningful relationships."

They disappeared.

L looked down at the ground, only to collapse to his knees as angry, bitter, and heart-broken images of his successors, past and present, conjured by the words of the phantoms entering his mind.

He was wondering if they really did grow to abhor him for everything, for his failings.

The darkness started to manifest around him, and with L so grief-stricken by his thoughts, he was frail enough to be taken. As he wasn't as determined as he had been hours ago.

...

Mello screamed as he woke up, immediately looking around and smiling when he saw Matt asleep on the couch, a video game controller resting loosely in his hand.

L. He had seen L. How was that possible? L was dead. Did it have something to do with L's death at the hands of the Death Note, and Mello himself having one of his men use it to take out the SPK? Did that create some sort of link?

If only he'd had that dream before Sidoh left, then he might have been able to ask some questions.

...

"L, look out!" A voice shouted to him.

A new voice, yet still familiar, broke L free from his mind. He gasped as he felt the ground give out under him, and he began falling over the edge of a cliff to an unknown fate, but someone grabbed his hand.

"L, are you okay?" A warm, human hand actually touching him.

L's heart thumped at the sound of the voice; he had hoped to hear it once more. He felt the most powerful tug against his chest when his ebony eyes hit those blood-red ones.

"B...?"

Beyond Birthday smiled gingerly at him and hoisted him away from the edge, holding him close.

"You actually came at just the right time," Beyond Birthday stated with a short laugh. "The only reason I lasted this long was that I'm so strong, but even then, they were starting to wear me down a little."

L's chin hit the shoulder of the man who had stolen his identity and horrifically murdered people, and he shifted his head slightly, noticing Beyond looked more like his true self, not like an unnerving doppelganger. His hair, formerly dyed inky black like L's own, was a soft chestnut brown, but his eyes were red, where they used to be pure cocoa brown, not unlike Light's. But he sighed, knowing Beyond had the Shinigami eyes somehow. Had he made a deal with a Shinigami? No...

"B, what are you doing here?" L asked, "Don't get me wrong, right now I'm just glad to see a familiar face, but that doesn't change the fact I've been hallucinating for a while now and don't know why you're here."

"It's because I was born with the Shinigami Eyes," Beyond explained, "Meaning there's enough Shinigami in me to end up here. I've been looking for you for a while."

"You knew I was here?"

"Word travels quickly when every other resident has nothing better to do than play cards, and suddenly a human appears." They both sat down so Beyond could explain, "From what I gathered, you were the victim of a double-Shinigami-homicide, meaning you were the second one killed by a Shinigami in one go."

L thought about how Watari had collapsed moments before L's own death, "That's right."

"See, the Shinigami who killed you was saving the life of another in doing so. Since that's against the rules, the Shinigami died. However, because you were the second victim and the Shinigami was already dying, you didn't die quite right, and you were pulled here since this place is essentially purgatory."

"Oh." He sighed, realizing that whatever Rem had told him about the Death Note was probably bullshit if she was willing to die for Light or Misa, "Is there any way out?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"How long has it been?"

"It's hard to tell in a place without clocks," Beyond bit his nails, "I look in the looking pool from time to time, and I can't quite tell, but it has to be at least a year." He held out his hand, "Do you want me to take you there? Gelus showed it to me, and now I stay there as my shelter of the sort."

"Gelus?"

"A Shinigami who sacrificed himself and gave the remainder of his lifespan to some girl named Mia or Lisa or—"

"Misa." L said, running his hands through his hair as the pieces in the puzzle clicked in his mind. He remembered asking Rem about the eyes, and she had said it cost half of someone's lifespan. He assumed Misa had done the eye deal, so if she had potentially hundreds of years, why would it matter to her? "Please, B, take me there."

"I'm surprised we aren't talking about..."

"LA?" L narrowed his eyes, "If it weren't for the fact I am thrilled to see someone I know that's not Kira's smirking face, I would be making my disapproval very clear."

"Figured." Beyond took his hand, and they walked for who-even-knows-how-long until they came upon a carved-out rock with water inside it. "You ask it to show you something or someone, and it will."

L touched the water, relishing the wet feeling on his fingers, "Show me Light Yagami." He wanted to see what that bastard was doing now.

Apparently, being shot by a livid Matsuda was what he was doing.

L smiled when he saw Near was in the warehouse too, meaning they had finally defeated Kira once and for all.

He continued to watch as Light left the warehouse, running into a different one before collapsing on some stairs, and his breathing grew weaker.

L gasped when, for a moment, he was standing in front of Light's dying form, and he wanted to feel smug, but he was pulled back to the Shinigami realm as Light closed his eyes forever.

As glad as he was to see Light dead and defeated, L found his cheeks were wet. He had been crying when he should be celebrating.

Beyond Birthday hugged him, "We'll stick together and find a way out, at least for you. You don't deserve to be stuck here forever." 

"T-Thank you, B. And can you show me the ropes around here? I've been avoiding every Shinigami at all costs."

"Yeah, because one of them wanted to get freaky? That's Zellogi, ignore him. The others only care about fruit and card games."

"Thanks, Ryusei." Beyond gaped at the use of his real name, having wondered if he would refer to their shared alias of Ryuzaki. He shrugged,

"If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, kill them. Well, we're both dead, or kind of dead in your case, so I'll settle on joining them. Besides, I really need to see a human face around here."

Maybe, just maybe, L saw a tiny chance he could survive here and tolerate it until he found a way to escape. But if Beyond was under the impression there would be no lecture about the murder spree, he was in for something else entirely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I say 2/5, but that't just an estimate. It's probably gonna be 6, but who can say. This is just a shorter fic.

L sighed after winning another round of cards with Deridovely, having quite the understanding these days as to why Shinigami kept throwing their Death Notes down to Earth. He still had yet to write in his own, even as the others were encouraging him to since he was human and would be more interesting to watch, especially being half-dead like he was.

It was so dull, especially as more and more of the faces of his loved ones faded away until it had reached a point that while he had hallucinated Mello and thus knew his appearance and voice, Matt was lost in all but name. Near was only known because he could gaze down from the looking pool at what was happening in the human world.

At least with the Shinigami King having been a big fan of Kira, the others were allowed to go down whenever they wanted and try to find a successor to Kira and amuse themselves. Typically, they were gone for only a day as the human who had picked it up wouldn't use it, but they always brought back lots of treasures and food from the human world.

L had tried to leave but found he could not pass because his name was still written down on the Death Note page, which was binding him to this world. According to Nu, there was a Death Eraser, and if a pureblood, living, human erased his name and came to get him, he would be able to leave. However, when was that ever going to happen? Ryuk had said Near had burned all the Death Notes, so L knew he was stuck here forever, resigning himself to this life of gambling and occasional food while listening to the same records repeatedly.

"Wanna play another round?" Deridovely asked tiredly, as the excitement of a human in the Shinigami Realm had long since passed once he had come with Beyond to join them. L shrugged, looking up at the sky to see if Beyond was going to show up. He had said he was planning to talk to Ryuk about something. 

If there was one good thing to come of this, he had managed to talk things out with B, about what had happened with LA. It was nice to have his friend back... he blushed, realizing that they were a little more than friends. Friends with benefits, he supposed, as both still had those desires, and since Beyond Birthday was only half Shinigami, he was not affected by the "Shinigami and Humans can't have sexual relations" rule. 

Beyond Birthday, the only connection to the human world he had anymore. L sighed, leaning against the rock he was using as support while he had played, his legs splayed out in front of him—no use for deductive reasoning improvement if he could barely remember why that had been needed. 

He recited his daily reminder. He was L Lawliet, the three greatest detectives in the world. His father was Watari... he knew somewhere in there something had been lost. Was Watari his actual father, or was he adopted? He huffed, realizing he had lost something else. And why was he three different detectives again? 

He looked up, "Maybe in a bit... I need to take a walk and think for a bit." 

"What's there to think about?" Sidoh asked, and L shrugged, getting up and looking down at his still bare feet against the dust-like soil. He would never get used to this feeling. 

He absently walked to the pool where he could gaze down at the living, as he always did when he realized he had forgotten more. He thought of the people he wanted to see. Even if he no longer remembered how he knew people, he still was intrigued by the people associated with the names in his memory.

"Show me Near." He ordered the pool, and the image of a white-haired young man with unruly long white hair appeared, sprawled out on the floor, his eyes open but glazed over. For a moment, L wondered if the man was dead, then noticed the rise and fall of his chest, which was not like that of someone sleeping. He wasn't asleep, and he looked dead. What was he doing? 

He stared for a while, seeing what Near would do. He couldn't see the real name of this man, as he did not have the eyes everyone else did, not that it mattered since he didn't feel like ever writing names.

Another while of Near not doing anything later, L grew bored, "Show me Touta Matsuda." For some reason, that name had still stuck with him, as well as Aizawa, even if the other person's first name had been lost. There were other people he had worked with, right? He couldn't think of any, but that didn't mean anything.

The water rippled, and then he saw another man, drinking a glass of dark red liquid, and staring at a piece of paper. L gasped quietly, feeling a pull to this image, but he had absolutely no idea why. Perhaps Matsuda had been important to him?

"Whatcha looking at?" L turned and saw Ryuk. Huh, that was unexpected. Ryuk didn't typically come out of his secluded cave—others had to go to him, he wouldn't socialize with the others without provocation.

"Touta Matsuda," L replied absently, looking up at the Shinigami who at this point knew more about him than he did. "Ryuk, can you tell me how I know him? Did Light know him?" 

Light, another person who hadn't left him. He knew he had lost a lot, but he did remember the man who had been responsible for banishing him here. He also knew that part was probably an accident. He recalled feeling pain and heartbreak that he had cared for this man regardless of knowing they were enemies. It was so muddled now with his lost memories that it was a detached form of love. Light was the clearest person in his memories that wasn't Beyond, who he saw every day, and his memories had returned of the longer he remained in contact with him.

Yet, he could only remember Light's face in that fiendish smirk or in total apathy, and there was no in-between. He couldn't imagine Light's voice saying anything other than "L," just the one word with no emotion whatsoever, even if he tried.

Ryuk chuckled, "Touta Matsuda, the task force idiot. He was the one to strike down Light to the point he would have bled to death very soon, and I had to write his name. He also wanted to take the eyes with me, but Light's father did the deal instead, losing the last few hours of his life. Your relationship with Matsuda, from what I saw, was professional, at least on your end, but I know he deeply cared about you." He looked down at the image, his lately empty eyes suddenly sparking with life, and a wicked grin appeared on his face. L didn't notice the gears turning in the Shinigami's head, too focused on this person who may have been a close friend. He only looked up when he felt something around his neck and noticed it was a pair of goggles, 

"What are these?"

"A little gift. In case you're interested in using the notebook, you can use these as the eyes. They can't leave the Shinigami realm, and there's really no way you can take the typical eye deal as is, so I might as well give them to you." 

"Oh." He rested them on his forehead, the strap hidden in his messy hair, "Thank you. What are you doing outside of the cave?"

"I'm going to try again in the human world. I've been deprived of apples for far too long." He looked down at L, "Have you thought about using your Death Note? It might help you remember some things."

"And why would it do that?" He took his Death Note from where it resided at his hip, examining it.

Ryuk shrugged, "Light mentioned once that having a purpose helped maintain a sense of self, so I suppose maybe it would help you at least not lose anything else." 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, L knew this was a recipe for disaster, but he also didn't care enough anymore, stagnating boredom preventing him from thinking critically. He may have been the most brilliant person on Earth once, but there was nothing worthwhile to think about. 

"I'll think about it. Bring back something for me."

"Can do." And Ryuk walked away, laughing, and a while later, Beyond came over with two bottles of wine.

"I don't know about you, Lawlipop," he sat down, tossing him one of the bottles, "But if you're like me, the cabin fever has set in and is really bringing you down. The drink has been thieved from Midora, who looted the place of the human she was with a bit ago. Who gave you the goggles?"

L looked up with a genuine smile, cracking into the sweetened drink and taking a long gulp straight from the bottle. Honestly, there was nothing better to do to pass the time, so he may as well. At least this tedious lifestyle was slightly better than wandering listlessly with a tiny semblance of false hope, and with B here, the hallucinations wouldn't come after him. 

"B, what year was it? Did Midora tell you?"

"2016. But I was raiding her stash from a bit ago, so it's probably closer to 2017 by now. Why?"

He did remember the day he had died—a week after his 25th birthday. He looked at his hands. He had been dead for close to a decade. He should be coming up on 35, not trapped in a realm where he did not age. But what can you do when your only hope of escape had been burned away, and you knew you were doomed to be trapped here for all eternity? Other humans were lucky—they got to go to MU. 

He didn't know what exactly that was—hell, nobody except the King knew anything for sure—but the popular theory among the Shinigami was that it was total nothingness. And that was better than eternal boredom.

"B..." he put his head on Beyond's shoulder, "I need you to tell me a story about home. I'm forgetting things again." B smiled, kissing his forehead softly,

"Of course. What do you want to hear?"

"Something with A. Is that okay?" Beyond paused for a moment, looking down at the pool, where the image of Matsuda had faded away.

"Alright, Sugar Cube. I'll tell you a story, and I think I know just the one."

OoOoO

Ryuk groaned as the human he had picked wanted to wait two whole years before taking the notebook! That was so long to go without apples or amusement, just the idea was a misery.

But of course, this meant nothing. Ryuk had another plan, and if Lawliet was starting to think about using the Death Note, it would just get all the more interesting. Besides, it would be nice to reunite with old companions of Light's again. He hadn't thought this idea was possible, but seeing in the looking pool the object Matsuda was holding... it was too good to be true!

Having a human in the Shinigami realm had been entertaining for a while, but then the half breed, another fascinating creature, brought him to the others. No more fear or fighting, a once almost unrivaled mind had adapted to a life of boredom. This wouldn't do. Besides, what was one human in the Shinigami realm when you could have at least two!

He flew down to the NPA office building, where the members of the former Kira task force seemed to still work together as a tight-knit group. Of course, that made sense, given all they had done and learned together. He also noticed there was a new person here... Yamamoto? Well, wasn't this going to be fun. 

Aizawa was the first to notice him, dropping his coffee mug with wide eyes. "Ryuk?!" The other members turned, and Ryuk tapped Yamamoto on the head with his spare Death Note, before tossing it at Matsuda to give him ownership. After all, it was because of the younger officer that this plan could even work. 

"Hey, it's been a while." He grinned even wider, and Yamamoto looked on the brink of fainting, while the rest of the task force, after getting over the initial shock of him being here, no longer seemed phased whatsoever, as though this was just any other day to them, nothing special at all.

"Why are you here, Ryuk?" Matsuda asked cautiously, looking down at the Death Note in his hands and back up at the Shinigami. Ryuk laughed, holding the Death Eraser between his fingers,

"I'm here to let you know that a certain world's greatest detective isn't as dead as you think he is."

There was silence as they all stared at him, and Yamamoto straight-up fainted. Aizawa was the first to speak,

"What?!"


	3. Chapter 3

"You're saying that L's alive?!" Matsuda asked in a mix of shock and disbelieving joy, "How? I saw his body multiple times, and I know we buried him ten years ago. He was dead!" Ryuk laughed,

"In the body? Sure, but in spirit, he is anything but gone. See, Lawliet's death was a special case, so he became trapped in the Shinigami Realm, unable to leave." Ryuk explained, "However, Matsuda, you still have the page with his name written on it. And if you erase it with this," he gestured to the eraser, "All you guys will have to do is go into the Shinigami Realm and bring him back here—his body will be restored alongside his spirit."

"And why are you telling us now and not years ago?" Aizawa asked, earning a laugh from Ryuk,

"It was so interesting, seeing him try to fight and escape. However, he's adapted to the lifestyle, and it's no fun anymore. So I decided to play a new game and see what happens."

"What game?" Ide asked, "Surely, L wouldn't agree to play anything with you."

"Yes, but he doesn't know we're playing. Do you know what happens to a human who uses the Death Note?" There was an uncomfortable pause from everyone, as they flashed back to Light in the Yellowbox Warehouse. It had always been a popular theory that the notebook had messed him up, and maybe even borderline possessed him. Still, the idea of that being potentially correct made them all uncomfortable. "Bingo. Now here's L, who hasn't used the Death Note he's been given, but he's also forgetting himself fast. How long, I wonder, until he uses the Death Note and becomes much like the Shinigami he is surrounded by."

Everyone looked to each other before Matsuda spoke, "How do we get to the Shinigami Realm and save him? I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm going after him."

Mogi looked to Yamamoto, who was still passed out, "He can stay and cover for us, but I'm going to. I think we owe it to L to go help him out."

"I'll stay with Yamamoto," Ide said, "I never got along with L anyway, but I will cover for you three if you plan to go save him." 

Everyone looked to Aizawa, who took a deep breath and stared up at the Shinigami, "How long would we be gone?" Ryuk shrugged,

"Don't know. Time in the Shinigami Realm is weird. L has been there for ten years and hasn't aged a day—beats me if it's because he's half-dead or not. If I had to guess, estimate a couple days."

"Alright." He looked to the others, "We leave tomorrow. Pack what you need since we don't know how long we'll be gone, and we'll meet at dawn tomorrow... at the warehouse." All of them shuddered but agreed, going their separate ways, and Matsuda headed back home to pack, and he pulled the page out of his nightstand drawer, erasing L's name as Ryuk laughed behind him.

"Did Light know?" Matsuda asked Ryuk, "About L being trapped there? Did he knowingly send L to that place?"

"He never asked about that being a possibility, and by the time he began to suspect what had happened, it had been years too late." 

Matsuda sighed, tossing Ryuk an apple and beginning to pack a bag, glad he had always owned some hiking gear, "It's hard to believe we could actually bring him back." He stared over at the page and the eraser, "Could I bring Watari back too?"

"I suppose you could," Ryuk replied nonchalantly, "But I've never heard of anyone, except the special cases, being resurrected properly after that long." 

Deciding not to risk a zombie apocalypse, Matsuda decided against using the eraser with Watari, messaging the others to let them know he was ready whenever they were. He climbed into bed, knowing he needed to get as much sleep as possible for the journey ahead.

OoOoO

L clung to Beyond's neck as Beyond flew over the Shinigami lands with his massive wings, feeling the fleeting winds in his hair. This was one of the few things that still brought him excitement, regardless of knowing the terrain like the back of his own hand. It was exhilarating, being so close to someone and so high in the air. Fear of falling was something so long forgotten that he had no concept of it anymore. 

He found himself by the looking pool again once they landed since he had more or less taken up residence here. Beyond Birthday grinned, but then his expression sobered upon seeing the distant expression on his lover's face, "What's wrong?"

"Do you use your Death Note?" He asked, staring down at the waters below, and Beyond hesitated before his shoulders slumped,

"I do. It's a survival thing for Shinigami, but my human side does find pleasure in it. I didn't want to tell you, since LA..."

L simply nodded along, unstrapping his Death Note from his hip,

"Ryuk said that if I use it, I can regain some of my memories." He looked up, "B, I want to remember. I'm losing even more, and how long before it's not even _me_ anymore? What if you don't forget because you use it, but I don't." 

"Cupcake," Beyond walked over, cupping L's cheek, "It could also be because I'm not fully human."

"But you have enough human in you that you should be losing yourself like me, right? I know names, but you're the only one I remember on my own without your stories. Where did I even come from?!"

Even now, as he tried to force himself to recall the faces of those he assumed he had cared for once, all he achieved was chaos in his head as he realized fully that he did not know who he was. L Lawliet, the name he knew but was tied to absolutely nothing. Beyond said that he was a great detective, and somewhere in his mind, he knew it was true, as those were words he had been repeating to himself for ten years.

Even of Light, the one he had unfortunately still never forgotten, now his memories of even him were blurred, the past a fading dream and nothing to prove if it was real. L did not know anything and had only Beyond as his ties to hope. Without him, there would be nothing but sadness and confusion to live with.

Beyond kissed him, slowly and passionately, and L relaxed into it and eventually returned it eagerly.

"Do you want me to talk to Nu about this? If you're going to use the Death Note... I'd be a hypocrite to stop you, but be glad of your human heart, L. Pity those who don't feel anything at all."

"I know..." L sighed, putting his hands in his pockets, "If you don't mind talking to Nu... I'd appreciate it."

"Anything for you, Sugar Cube." Beyond pecked L's cheek and then let out his wings, taking off into the dull grey skies always between day and night.

L sighed, hating to see him go, and praying that Nu knew of something. For the time being, he could let himself think and try to remember more about himself. Hell, he'd even take memories of Light at this point.

"Show me..." he tried to think of someone, "Aizawa." 

The waters rippled, and he saw a man he assumed was Aizawa, being beaten by his screaming and raging wife, which in the background, a teen girl was covering the eyes of a young boy, pulling him close and trembling under a table. 

Curious and disturbed by the scene before him, L slipped on the goggles, seeing that this woman was Eriko Aizawa, beating her husband, Shuichi. 

Well, if there was ever a test subject for using the Death Note, that one worked. He pulled out his notebook, ready to see if he really could use this woman's death to regain his memories, but he was stopped by a voice,

"L!" L looked up and was surprised to see a face he managed to identify as Matsuda staring back at him. This was a new one. He had thought he was past the hallucinating—or maybe he hadn't been, he didn't know anymore. Would this be one that just stared at him? Or one that spoke?

The Matsuda hallucination ran over to him, bending down by his side, momentarily looking into the waters with wide eyes, before looking back at L,

"Ryuzaki—I mean, L!"

L didn't grace this hallucination with a response, leaning against the cave wall and hugging himself, seeing no point in conversing with someone who wasn't even here.

"L, it's me! Why aren't you saying anything?"

But... this one was much more active than the others. There had been one, L recalled, a blonde guy who was yelling at him. Who had that been again? He strained his memory for an answer and didn't find anything. 

"No point in doing so, it's not like you won't vanish the moment I touch you, just like the others." To prove a point, he went to touch him, but Matsuda said something that made him pause,

"We're coming for you, L! We're gonna come save you!"

That was a new one. L narrowed his eyes, "I don't believe you. Nobody's coming." He swatted Matsuda away, the other vanishing into gold sparkles. L scoffed, "Figures." He looked down at the waters and then at his Death Note and skeleton-like pen with neverending ink.

L sighed, not knowing what to do, deciding to maybe sleep on his choice.

OoOoO

Matsuda raced down to the warehouse, a piece of bread in his mouth as he moved. Whether that was a dream or not, he had to know, and that Aizawa was okay.

He had seen L, who looked so drained of hope and a reason to go on, his voice even more monotone and jaded than before, his clothes tattered and dirty, and a pair of unusual goggles covering his eyes.

That was what Ryuk had meant, Matsuda assumed when he said Light had only stared suspecting when it was too late. If Light had begun dreaming of the Shinigami Realm and seeing L trapped there. It wasn't like Light would have told them about these dreams, much less gone to rescue L.

But he would have, Matsuda knew, if Light hadn't been Kira and had heard L was trapped, he would have gone to his friend's rescue without hesitation. 

He made it to the warehouse, and he saw Mogi and Aizawa were already there. Aizawa looked extremely tired like he hadn't slept the night before. Matsuda ran over, "Aizawa, are you okay?" 

"Hm?" Aizawa finished his coffee, and Matsuda noticed bandages along his wrist, "Oh, I just had a rough night. You don't look like you slept any better."

"I saw L. I think it's part of owning the Death Note, because I was there with him, in my dreams." Both of his friends looked at him like he was a little crazy, but didn't say anything as he continued, "Yeah! He was sitting in this small cave by a looking pool. He was watching you, Aizawa. I-I saw that Yumi was shielding Nozomu while your wife was—" he cut himself off, seeing Aizawa's expression morph to sheer horror, and he no longer had any doubts about what Matsuda was saying being true.

Ryuk cackled above them, "So, are you ready to go?" Mutual nods all around, and then glowing stairs descended up to the roof, and then into what seemed to be a pocket dimension.

All of them stared at the stairwell, which lacked railings and was unnervingly steep and twitched a little.

Matsuda cracked his knuckles and got out a hiking stick, tossing one to both Mogi and Aizawa.

"Well, we might as well get going if we want to be back at a reasonable time." He looked at the stairs, taking a deep breath, and beginning his journey into the Shinigami Realm to save his friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Matsuda checked his watch after what he guessed was an hour of walking up these stairs. At least that was what he estimated, as not long after beginning the climb, he and his friends had stopped feeling strained or tired, and as he checked again, he realized time had frozen.

Ryuk flew above them, laughing all the while, and Matsuda huffed, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I'm just thinking about all those good times in the past. You wouldn't happen to have any apples, would you?" He narrowed his eyes,

"You'll get your apples once we've rescued L." He thought about the L he had seen, so drained and lacking in hope. The detective had always had a jaded aura to him like he had been through a lot in his young life, but this was something else entirely.

At last, they made it to the top into a vast barren wasteland. Matsuda suddenly saw his Death Note shift into a scythe.

"Oh, did I mention Death Notes can do that here?" Ryuk asked, and Matsuda held it firm, leaning on the weapon instead of the walking stick. 

Aizawa groaned, "How are we going to find L here? This place is—"

"It's like Earth." Mogi breathed, having bent down and examining the dusty soil, "Ryuk, what was this place before?" Ryuk laughed,

"Good luck finding him! It took Lawliet five years of nonstop walking to get around this place." Aizawa glared darkly as the Shinigami flew away,

"We should have known it wouldn't be easy at all." 

"What do we do?" Mogi asked, "Just start hollering?"

Matsuda shrugged, "Maybe other Shinigami will know where he is? The best course of action I see is to find that pool I saw in my dreams because from the looks of things, that's where L had set up shop." He pumped himself up, "And hopefully we'll be back before the week's out."

"If I'm here for a decade looking for L," Aizawa muttered, "I'm going to be pissed."

"You're looking for Lawliet?" All three turned, and they saw a... human? He was an attractive young man, probably in his early twenties, but his most notable feature was bright red eyes. Next to him was a Shinigami covered head to toe in eyes. Matsuda was surprised to see another human here. 

Hold on, if there were humans there... did that mean Light and probably Misa were... he felt a sick feeling as he fought back the urge to vomit as he remembered the gun snapping in his wrist and holes in Light's body.

No, surely not... right? Maybe this Shinigami could shapeshift?

"Who are you?" Mogi asked, and the young man put his hands on his hips,

"I'm a friend of L's—Beyond Birthday, nice to meet you. Before you ask why I'm here, my mother was apparently way more into hentai than one should be, so I'm the resident demigod." He smiled sweetly, but Matsuda noted it didn't reach his eyes, "You're here to bring L back to Earth?"

"Yeah," Aizawa replied, "Do you know how he is?"

Beyond Birthday hesitated before speaking, "Yeah, I know where he is, assuming he hasn't gone anywhere since I saw him last. Follow me." Wings tore out of his back, and he flew above them, and Matsuda frowned at how easy this was, and the raw emotion he noticed in Beyond's eyes. Suddenly, it dawned on him,

"You don't want L to leave." 

Beyond looked down, "If I didn't want him to leave, why would I be helping you when I could amuse myself with your frustration as your mortal families age with each step you take? No... he should return to the human world. Though I won't deny that I'm going to miss him... we grew up together, so I guess it's nice to have a familiar face. But I know if he stays, the man I fell in love with will be gone."

Matsuda looked around, coughing as the questionable air quality made it somewhat hard to breathe. How could L have been here for so long without going insane?

He thought about seeing L again. What would they say to him? He knew it might take a little convincing to make L realize he was really being rescued, but L's response to seeing him in his dream made it clear he hallucinated here. 

But it had been ten years, and adjusting back into the world wasn't going to be easy, especially if he had gotten used to a world where resting or eating was optional. Would he even be able to go back? Especially considering Watari and two of his three successors were dead. 

Matsuda decided that he would do whatever he had to if L would be able to return home and be happy there.

Suddenly, a bright flash from what he estimated was a couple miles away, and Beyond Birthday blanched—which was unexpected of a Shinigami, even if he was just half-Shinigami.

"L..." he took off without warning, and Aizawa began running faster than expected, turning to them,

"Come on!" 

Mogi and Matsuda looked to each other and chased after Aizawa, and Matsuda slung the scythe over his shoulder, fearing that they might need it soon.

...

L looked down at the pool and the Death Note in his hands. Was it worth it? Could he really get his memories back if he wrote a name? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had this sense of dread that Ryuk was lying, but the rest of him said that even if that was the case, what did it matter?

He looked down at the pool, pulling out a pen. Even as he slowly brought the pen to the paper, he remembered a moment from so long ago.

He had spoken of bells, and as he had laid dying in Light Yagami's arms, that was all he had heard.

He remembered begging silently, even through the pain of his failing heart, to be wrong, and Light had truly been his friend. But that dreadful, smoldering smirk had shot his wish down in flames. 

L recoiled from the paper because of that particular memory. However, he realized that Ryuk had been right, and he quickly wrote down the name Eriko Aizawa into the notebook, only for a bright yet dark glowing to come from the Death Note as L held it close.

"No!" He dully heard B cry out, but it didn't register with him as a scream tore from his throat as every last one of his memories returned to him at once, this one action removing him from limbo in which it was unclear if he was fading away or not. He was here to stay.

But with those memories came the strengthening of every emotion he had ever felt, and realizing that with how often he had hallucinated, people had more than likely known. They had known he was here and did _nothing_ to help—leaving him in this hell for more than a decade.

He turned, his notebook back in scythe form, and saw Beyond staring at him with a look of horror, "L... what happened to you?" He grinned maliciously, cupping B's cheek, not even processing the physical changes he had undergone.

"I remember everything," he purred, "And now I'm curious, have they really come for me?"

"Yes!" B grabbed L's shoulders, shaking him, "Snap out of it! You're going home." 

"But B," he whispered, "I am home."

...

Matsuda made it up the hill and found a figure talking to and running his hands along Beyond Birthday, and while it took a moment, Matsuda realized with growing horror that his person was L.

"See," Beyond gestured to them, "Your friends are here for you!"

"My friends?" L asked softly, not as monotone as he had been before. He looked down, his back still turned away from them, "You came for me. I'm so flattered," he partially turned to them, revealing golden eyes, "But you're too late." 

His appearance had changed drastically since what was for Matsuda last night. His hair had a bleached look to it, and his once-white shirt had darkened and become even more tattered, with scaly texture appearance. His arms and legs have also begun to darken to a dark purple color, and his hands were now black with red fingertips. His goggles were rested on his forehead.

"What the hell happened?!" Aizawa asked, and Beyond sighed,

"Basically, this is the byproduct of ten years as a human in the Shinigami Realm and finally writing his first name." But L observed them all with a different answer, pointing his scythe at them as he walked forward,

"You abandoned me here, that's what." He snapped, "I came across B by luck after endless wandering—waiting forever for help to arrive. But no one ever came. You should have known I was stranded."

"L," Aizawa clenched his fists, "Until a day ago, none of us had any idea that being trapped here was even possible, and we came as soon as we could when we learned of it—people have arrived, so don't give me that crap." 

L hesitated for a moment, seemingly about to drop the Death Note, but then he jumped back, "You're not real!" And he charge, scythe at the ready, and Matsuda barely managed to block with his own and shield Aizawa, unsure what would happen if they got sliced here.

"So, what's the plan?" Mogi asked as Matsuda blocked another of L's unrelenting blows, and he forced a chuckle,

"The same thing you do in an RPG: beat the crap out of him and hope that snaps him out of it."

Aizawa dove out of the way of another attack, using the now snapped in half hiking stick as weapons against the corrupted L, "I'd say that's a stupid plan, but I have nothing better." He got a couple blows in, only for L to roundhouse kick and knock him to the ground, landing awkwardly on his damaged wrist, and he sucked in a breath at the sudden pain. 

"Destroy the Death Note!" Beyond Birthday shouted, "It will destroy his connection to this place, and you'll _have_ to get him out of here once he's back to normal."

"So break the scythe, got it." Matsuda tossed off his backpack, "How do we do that?"

"Figure it out yourself!" Ryuk chirped from where he and countless Shinigami were now watching excitedly.

Matsuda thought about how he could do that, knowing he still had his gun but could that even help him?

L leaped over him, flipping, and it was Mogi who grabbed hold of L's wrist and grabbed the scythe, trying to snap it, only for L to scream in rage and suddenly spin and kick him in the face the same as he had to Light all those years ago. 

"We can't snap it," Mogi got out once he got his bearings, and Matsuda looked at his own scythe, getting an idea. This was still, technically, just the Death Note in another form. So maybe if he went for the hilt and not the blade itself...

It was risky, exceptionally so. Matsuda knew he only had one shot at this—literally.

Light flashed behind his eyes, reminding him of what happened last time he fired at a friend. He looked up at L, feeling that same deranged aura. He could practically see Light screaming at him because "who the hell do you think you're shooting at?!"

_I'm sorry, L. I just hope you'll understand when you're home._

He pulled out his gun, knowing he was a master sharpshooter, and he could make this.

L tried to move away, but the move was anticipated by Matsuda, who'd angled the bullet in a way to permit that. 

It was like everything went in slow motion as the bullet went straight through the scythe, breaking it in half, and it reverted to a regular Death Note, which quickly turned to dust as L returned back to normal. Everything was okay for a moment, but then L's knees buckled under him as he crumpled to the ground, slowly beginning to fade away.

"L!" Matsuda shouted as Mogi scooped L into his arms. Beyond jumped down as the Shinigami cheered at having significantly been amused.

"We have to get him out of here!" He took L, detaching his own Death Note from his hip and taking flight while Mogi chased after and Matsuda turned to Aizawa,

"Are you okay?" He asked as he grabbed his discarded backpack,

"He wrote Eriko's name." Aizawa whispered as they both began running, surprised by being able to talk and run a the same time, "I saw it right before the notebook turned to dust. How long have my kids been alone while I'm off rescuing L?"

Oh shit. That wasn't good. Matsuda forced a small, hopefully, reassuring smile, "I'm sure it hasn't been too long since we had Beyond Birthday helping us finding him."

"I suppose that's a good point," Aizawa muttered as they all kept running and made it back to the exit, L semi-transparent. B had given L to Mogi,

"Take care of him..." he forced a smile, "He deserves to be loved."

Matsuda frowned as Mogi headed down with L, "Why can't you come with us?"

"It's... I need my notebook, but there has to be one connecting me to the human world." Matsuda looked at the scythe he still held and thought about Light's plans and the rules he had read countless times. He simply grabbed Beyond's off his hip, and they traded,

"There! Now I have yours, and you still have a Death Note to sustain yourself." He held out his free hand, "Come on, let's go home." 

"Home...?" Beyond looked to the hand, "Why would you want—?"

"I think L would like to see a familiar face since it will take some time to adjust. So what do you say?"

"I'd... I'd like that." Beyond Birthday grinned, "Let's go home."


	5. Chapter 5

L was asleep for nearly a month. 

In that time, much had changed, and yet not much. Aizawa had needed to take time off to get his life back together after getting in contact with Near, but overall, life remained the same. Since Beyond wasn't able to leave fourteen kilometers of Matsuda due to his tie to the notebook, Matsuda had needed to take a paid leave to travel to Wammy's House, and he was still surprised this was the orphanage L and his successors had grown up in. It had been decided that L waking up in a familiar place would make his transition into living again easier.

Matsuda sat bedside with L alongside Nate and Beyond Birthday. It was shocking seeing how thin and exhausted the young man had become in the last four years, but it was clear he was not happy with the life he had wound up in, and perhaps that was why he was so eager for L to be back...

If he ever woke up.

According to Beyond Birthday, it was part of the restoration process, which took longer since he had been dead for five years, and his body had decayed, so he stayed in stasis, not needing to eat or drink. If it weren't for the soft rise and fall of his chest, he could be mistaken for dead.

"Are you gonna wake up today?" Beyond asked softly, running his hand along L's cheek, and Matsuda slumped,

"Are we sure he's actually going to wake up?"

Nate played with a strand of his hair, "He better."

Looking at L now, he seemed almost like a sleeping princess from fairy tales, as though a kiss could wake him from this spell. A bitter smile crossed his face, remembering so long ago when he had joked about Light and L being more than friends.

The bitter smile slowly faded. The Death Note had destroyed Light, and the man who revealed himself to be a monster hadn't been the same as the one who captured Higuchi with them. What had happened to L had proved this; only the Shinigami Realm had allowed them to see the monster he had been warped into. Perhaps the real Light had been freed upon his death and could look down at the return of his friend with a smile on his face.

He gasped quietly, seeing L move a bit as though adjusting his position, "L?"

Nate and Beyond both straightened, looking down at L, and Beyond grabbed his lover's hand,

"Come on, Lawlipop, wake up."

After a few moments, L slowly opened his dark grey eyes, and he blinked a couple times blearily, sitting up with some assistance and looking around, before he sighed, looking down at the sheets,

"B..." He tugged at his hair, squeezing his eyes shut, "It's happening again."

Nate was stunned into silence, seeing his mentor alive and well, and Matsuda watched as Beyond cupped L's cheek with a smile,

"No, you're not. You're in the Human Realm."

...

_W...What?_ L looked around this familiar room, touching the soft bedsheets before his gaze rested on Matsuda and a much older Nate. The memories he had once thought lost forever came rushing back with none of the anger brought on by the corruption of the Death Note.

"L?" Nate asked, inching closer. L recoiled a bit, knowing that if he touched this boy he considered a little brother, he would vanish into sparkles just like everybody except for B.

Hesitantly, he moved to touch Nate, deciding to just rip the bandage off. But it wasn't sparkles that he was met with as he held the boy—now young man's—hand. It was warm and soft and human. L paused, looking to Matsuda, the one which he now remembered had saved him. Matsuda offered his hand for L to touch, letting him do what he had to do to assure himself that everything was real, and he was in the human realm.

L got up out of bed, needing to know, trying to get out of bed only to fall over on shaky legs. B chuckled, helping him up and guiding him to the balcony, and L looked out at the grounds of Wammy's house.

Another memory reminded itself of its existence, his last memory in the Human Realm, of Watari, dying. But now, the sun was shining and warming his icy skin.

_This is real... this is..._

He didn't realize he was sobbing until Nate had hugged him tightly and was also weeping, "You're back."

"Yeah..." he lowered to the floor in a hug with B and Nate, all three crying because they were home finally.

Matsuda watched on, and L looked up, holding out his hand, "Thank you, Matsuda-San." 

Matsuda took his hand, and L pulled him in. Later he would deny ever having hugged the officer, but right now, he needed all the proof that he could get that he really was home and was here to stay.

OoOoO

"So, you need to stay with Matsuda?" L asked as he walked the grounds of Wammy's House, trying to rebuild his stamina, which had been damaged in the ten years in the Shinigami Realm where he hadn't needed to eat, drink, and could run endlessly without growing tired. It was going to take time to fully recover, even if he hadn't aged a day while in that wretched place.

Beyond nodded, "Yeah, since he's the reason I'm able to be here since he keeps my original notebook." He sighed, "Which means I probably need to be in Japan since I don't want to keep him in England for too long."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." L sighed, looking towards the orphanage in the distance and all the pain it had caused. Light had been defeated, but at the cost of Miheal and Mail's lives being cut so tragically short, and Nate lost the will to go on, trapped in a life he had quickly learned wasn't for him. Watari had been wrong. Successors were doomed to fail, and this system needed to be fixed. 

The world didn't really need L anymore, and without Watari, there didn't seem to be much point in trying again, at least until he got back on his feet. He had enough money to live comfortably until the end of his days.

Fear gripped his beating heart. What if, when his time was up, he ended up back in that barren wasteland again. Just the thought made him feel ill at the idea of going back to that place and losing everything that made him who he was. Nightmares of that place had robbed him of much sleep.

It was selfish to want to just fade into nothing after death, knowing B would need to live on as an immortal in that wretched place for all time. Eventually, B would lose himself too.

B pulled him close, knowing what L was thinking right now, "I'm not going to let you get hurt again. If you go back, things are going to change."

"I can't go back," he squeezed his eyes shut, his shoulders shaking, "I can't... I just want to be human and then stop existing, but I don't want to leave you alone and—" he felt B kissing away his tears,

"Shh, you shouldn't be worrying about that right now. You still have plenty of time here, but if you're anxious, I can talk to the King to learn what would happen." He held L, stroking his hair, "It'll get easier. Maybe you could come back to Japan too? There's still that large building you had built, which isn't being used for anything. It's only been a couple days, Lawlipop, I don't expect you to be okay yet, but I don't want you to drown."

"I'll be okay." L assured, "I just... I need some time." 

"I understand. I'll give you all the time you need, and I'll be here forever if you want me." 

"Yes," L relaxed a bit, letting his mind drift away from an uncertain future after death, "Yes, I want to go with you. Maybe finding a new game to play will do me some good."

Things weren't okay yet, and maybe L would never be safe from the fears of returning to the Shinigami Realm, or of another Kira case beginning. But humans were resilient creatures, so he knew he could overcome this and find a new way to amuse himself.

Everything would be okay again, it was only a matter of time.


End file.
